|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| Got this from work, found it very funny, burst into laughters
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and
are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down
and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying
calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes..
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you sh1tt1ng me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.
Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No .
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law | | |
| Woohoo...a new discovery today
you can actually call 0800 to the UK using Skype free of charge!
So, save the endless wait at phone booth trying to connect to a BT/other operator's 0800. (before you have a landline of course)
You can just surf the internet or read a book on a sofa, while your laptop is doing the calling for you!
Shxt...so what's the point of having a BT landline...
Updates from me:
1. Have started working for a month. Steep learning curve. Still getting to used to a 9-5, 5 days a week working life. In terms of client work, office is still as quiet as in the summer, hope it will get better later on.
2. Lodged at a colleague's place for 4 weeks, a rather inconvenient period with limited access to everything.
3. Spent 4 weeks in hunting for accommodation in Wokingham, and soon realised Wokingham is not a place of singles. Most of the households are family based.
4. Got sick twice in 4 weeks....tough time indeed...
4. Moved to a 1 bedroom flat last week- a rather rubbish one with no washing machine, no microwave, no iron/ironing board, rubbish insulation, pay-as-you-go electricity and gas i.e. much more expensive than monthly/quarterly payment.
5. Living on overdraft at the moment....since spent so much money on buying stuff for the new home, for example, a washing machine! (there is just no choice for me.. because Wokingham is so posh that there isn't even a single laundrette within 2 miles or so)
6. Finally, getting settled....the remaining tasks list would include, getting a proper working desk, a microwave, a tomtom, graduation, broadband and so on....
take care everyone =)
peace
| | |
| can't f-ing believe I spent the first night of moving-in researching on washing machines.
(can't believe I am buying one either)
ding... | | |
| What I lack recently is the sense of accomplishment...
nothing seems to be easy or smooth
but at least there is still hope
hope for the better tomorrow
| | |
| Oxford Hotel on Penywern Road, newly refurbished
just booked a double en-suite for my parents £204 for three nights (will update after their stay)
http://www.the-oxford-hotel.com/
[edited on 07 May 09]
Actually Imperial College offers a much more competitive rate than everywhere else in South Ken LOL
Non-IC students:
http://www3.imperial.ac.uk/summeraccommodation
e.g. short stay in Beit Hall :
Prices start from £25.50 per person per night including VAT and full English breakfast. AND
Guests are able to use the facilities at Imperial's sports centre, Ethos, for a small entrance fee.
IC student:
http://www3.imperial.ac.uk/accommodation/usefulinformation/summeraccommodationimperialstudent
Wilson House, Paddington
short stay - from £103.25 per week! even cheaper if for longer stay LOL
Seems IC is desperate for £££
| | |
|
